Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you have just about had it with this bullshit.
Good going, Karkat. If they were handing out a prize for good decision-making, you’d be a shoo-in, because no one does foresight like you. You see so far ahead that it whips around and becomes hindsight again. Right now, for instance, you are patting yourself on the back congenially to commemorate having picked the PERFECT ROOMMATE, one who is neither seen nor heard, and certainly not SMELLED.
Yeah, right. If you believe that, well, how about some invisible sopor? Only 12.50 a pound, and the fucking Tooth Fairy does delivery.
Gamzee is babbling on and on, something about a party he’s going to tonight (We gOnNa jAm, BrO, kIcKiN ThE WiCkEd bEaTs aLl nIgHt lOnG)—how he’s already found people to get wasted with, you’ll never know. You’ve long accepted that Gamzee has a supernatural talent for BUSKING, FINDING DRUGS, and BASICALLY NOTHING ELSE.
But you have better things to do than ROT YOUR BRAIN WITH ILLICIT SUBSTANCES, or indeed anything that might be construed as ENJOYING YOURSELF. You are a man on a mission. Today is your first day of classes at Alternia U, and you plan to make an impression. You will MERCILESSLY BEAT THE SHIT out of university. You will snatch victory from a thousand slack-jawed, lack-witted imbeciles who presume to compete with you. This school won’t know what hit it.
Kanaya would tell you that college is not a competition. Kanaya, however, does not know shit about WINNING. Look out, world; here comes Karkat Vantas.
There is NO WAY this can possibly go wrong.
> Go to class already.